I'm Lonely, But I Ain't That Lonely Yet

It's official, folks: Barack Obama has a majority of the Democratic delegates, making him the presidential nominee. Now, I am a Obama supporter, but I have to hand it to his opponent. Hillary Clinton ran an excellent campaign, especially considering that she hasn't watched the news for the past 3 months, and therefore still believes she is in the race.

I kid you not; as of time of writing, she still refuses to concede, and her website had this to say,

The AP story is incorrect. Senator Clinton will not concede the nomination this evening.

That is the entirety of the release, and is therefore one of the shortest press releases in the history of campaigning, second only to Nixon's post-Watergate statement:

Go to hell.

There is really only one reason that she is still in the race. Its the same reason she made that little Bobby Kennedy reference, and its the same reason she felt the need to talk about non-existent sniper fire during her trip to Bosnia.

This isn't the goddamn New York Marathon, you don't get hugs for chugging along until the end. The only way for her to win now is for Obama to kick the bucket, and seeing as he is the only candidate who can't join the AARP yet, I don't see that happening. So either Hillary is gunning for some last minute support from the NRA, or she's sending Obama a message: "Make me VP, or you're gonna OD on 50 caliber aspirin."

So now we face the possibility of an Obama-Clinton ticket. Can these two really forget all the bitterness that they've been flinging back and forth for the past 5 months?

In other news, Billy Graham and Anton LaVey were seen holding hands and cuddling in Central Park today. When asked for comment, LaVey giggled like a little girl, and Graham reportedly nibbled on LaVey's ear. Details forthcoming.

Edit:

• I should really give my Grandpa Armando credit for the "Hilary is going to kill Obama" idea. He's the other genius of the family, and his rantings are no less phenomenal.
• Hillary is going to concede the race on Saturday, so the assassination story is shot, but she still wants to be VP, and that's just as bad.
• Billy Graham and Anton LaVey are NOT gay lovers, according to a recent joint press release. The statement goes on to explain that LaVey recently underwent a sex change operation in Thailand, and therefore the relationship is technically heterosexual.